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Homework 1 The pie charts show the comparison of water usage in different regions: San Diego, California and the rest of the world.

Homework 1 The pie charts show the comparison of water usage in different regions: San Diego, California and the rest of the world. aAJ1X
The pie charts show the comparison of water usage in different regions: San Diego, California and the rest of the world. As can be seen from the graphs, San Diego and California shared the same pattern with the greatest percentage of water used for residential purposes and the smallest for agriculture, which was opposite with the other countries. There was no significant difference in water usage for industry in San Diego, California and the rest. Both in San Diego and California, residents consumed most of the water, respectively at 60% and 39% of the total water use. The amount of water served for industrial activities in the two regions ranked second, with 23% in San Diego and 33% in California. Agriculture made up the smallest proportion which was 17% in San Diego. This figure was 28% - a little higher in California. By contrast, in the other parts of the world, water was used most for agricultural purposes. It amounted to 69% of the total water usage. Meanwhile, the residential water use accounted for an insignificant 8% compared with the other purposes and compared with San Diego and California. There was 23% of water used in industry, which was similar to San Diego and only 10% less than California.
The pie charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the comparison of
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water
usage in
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different
regions: San Diego, California and the rest of the world.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graphs, San Diego and California shared the same pattern with the greatest percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for residential purposes and the smallest for agriculture, which was opposite with the other countries. There was no significant difference in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
usage for industry in San Diego, California and the rest.

Both in San Diego and California, residents consumed most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
,
respectively
at 60% and 39% of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. The amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
served for industrial activities in the two regions ranked second, with 23% in San Diego and 33% in California. Agriculture made up the smallest proportion which was 17% in San Diego. This figure was 28%
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
a
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little
higher in California.

By contrast, in the other parts of the world,
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water
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
most for agricultural purposes. It amounted to 69% of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
usage. Meanwhile, the residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
accounted for an insignificant 8% compared with the other purposes and compared with San Diego and California. There was 23% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in industry, which was similar to San Diego and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10% less than California.
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IELTS academic Homework 1 The pie charts show the comparison of water usage in different regions: San Diego, California and the rest of the world.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
209 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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