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New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time.

Adolescents allot their space-time with the help of cutting-edge devices. This essay will show that new technologies affect children's health whereas they do not waste their time. The first advantage is that they can obtain a lot about anything from the Internet. To take a similar occasion, for instance, if children have free time, they will play games, but this situation can change. However, some children want to abroad to get a high education, and they know that they must not spend their time playing games. However, every coin has two sides, and despite all the advantages, there are disadvantages too. The most important disadvantage is that allocating time to play games contributes to health issues. Nowadays, children are on the computer every day that's why they do not go for a walk or they do not do some physical activities. These cause obesity, mental problems, depression, and other problems. Another point to consider is that they shut off from the world, family enviroment. Children stay in the closed room every hour. For example, earlier people gathered around the dinner table, nevertheless, at present they only busy with their mobile phones and they do not participate in family discussions. In conclusion, having looked at the benefits and drawbacks of the new technologies mentioned above, this affects children in a bad way.
Adolescents allot their space-time with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of cutting-edge devices. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that new technologies affect children's health whereas they do not waste their time.

The
first
advantage is that they can obtain a lot about anything from the Internet. To take a similar occasion,
for instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have free time, they will play games,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this situation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want
Did you mean “too abroad to”?
to abroad to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high education, and they know that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not spend their time playing games.
However
, every coin has two sides, and despite all the advantages, there are disadvantages too.

The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
disadvantage is that allocating time to play games contributes to health issues. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are on the computer every day that's why they do not go for a
Use a comma before ‘or’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
walk or
they do not do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical activities. These cause obesity, mental problems, depression, and other problems.

Another point to consider is that they shut off from the world, family
Possible spelling mistake found.
enviroment
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
stay in the closed room every hour.
For example
, earlier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
gathered around the dinner table,
nevertheless
, at present they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
busy with their mobile
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
phones and
they do not participate in family discussions.

In conclusion
, having looked at the benefits and drawbacks of the new technologies mentioned above, this affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way.
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IELTS academic New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
221 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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