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Analyzing a bar chart about DVD sales and rents in a store

Overall, the graph shows that there is much movement in the number of sales and rentals from 2002 until 2011. In particular DVD sales started to become highly popular and increased from approximately 48000 in 2002 up to 215000 in 2007, but then slowly decreased again. Meanwhile, VHS sales, with a number of 85000 in 2002, disappeared completely in 2006. Rentals experienced a similar retreat, but did not vanish completely. The only category in the graph that exhibits an upwards-trend is the Blue-ray that started its rise in 2007 and as of 2011 counts 15000 sales approximately. Finally, the visualized numbers reveal that Rentals ans VHS sales were at their peak at the beginning of the time-series. Their decline however developed differently; while rentals diminished slowly, VHS sales convey much higher negative growth. The biggest and smallest absolute growth rate was achieved by DVD sales and Blue-ray sales, respectively.
Overall
, the graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that there is much movement in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rentals
from 2002 until 2011.
In particular
DVD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to become
highly
popular and increased from approximately 48000 in 2002 up to 215000 in 2007,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then
slowly
decreased again. Meanwhile, VHS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
, with a number of 85000 in 2002, disappeared completely in 2006.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rentals
experienced a similar retreat,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
did not vanish completely. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
category in the graph that exhibits an upwards-trend is the
Did you mean “Blu-ray”?
Blue-ray
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
its rise in 2007 and as of 2011 counts 15000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
approximately.
Finally
, the visualized numbers reveal that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rentals
ans VHS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
were at their peak at the beginning of the time-series. Their decline
however
developed
differently
; while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rentals
diminished
slowly
, VHS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
convey much higher
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
growth. The biggest and smallest absolute growth rate
was achieved
by DVD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
and
Did you mean “Blu-ray”?
Blue-ray
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
,
respectively
.
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IELTS academic Analyzing a bar chart about DVD sales and rents in a store

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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