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Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children

Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children joeXM
I must admit that our lifestyle is changing dramatically in each coming decade. The people have adopted the new norms and cultures of the society. Families have become far apart as they were in the old times. In my opinion, modern lifestyle poses more disadvantages than advantages. On the one side, there are merits due to modern lifestyle as we have been connected to our families around the world through internet. All of the members are just a click away, our connection with the family members have incresed alot. We can know about the circumstances a person is going through just with a click, morally support over the phone. For example, if a family member gets into accident one can let know his parents, siblings as soon as he gets in. Secondly, in the past people used to live close by they knew about the conditions of eachother, they had conversation over the table at every meal. They were more caring and knew what was going on between there family because it was such a small world. Working on the problems by sitting togeather gave them a best solution. They were always available for someone who needed their help. They had love and affection for eachother. They used to get worried if they saw their childrens in any problem. To sum up, it is clear that new lifestyle has more negative effect than positive change. We should always prefer our family over any benifit. this would make us all happy and caring. In the end money wont help you satisfy but the relationships will.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
admit that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is changing
dramatically
in each coming decade. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have adopted the new norms and cultures of the society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Families
have become far apart as they were in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
times. In my opinion, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
poses more disadvantages than advantages.

On the one side, there are merits due to modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
as we have
been connected
to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
around the world through internet.
Consider using "all the".
All of the
members are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a click away, our connection with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members have
Possible spelling mistake found.
incresed
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
. We can know about the circumstances a person is going through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
with a click,
morally
support over the phone.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
into accident one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
know his parents, siblings as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
in.

Secondly
, in the past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
close by they knew about the conditions of
Possible spelling mistake found.
eachother
, they had conversation over the table at every meal. They were more caring and knew what was going on between there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was such a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
world. Working on the problems by sitting
Possible spelling mistake found.
togeather
gave them
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best solution. They were always available for someone who needed their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. They had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection for
Possible spelling mistake found.
eachother
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
worried if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
in any problem.

To sum up, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. We should always prefer our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
over any
Possible spelling mistake found.
benifit
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us all happy and caring. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
money
Please make sure you mean 'wont' (a habit), not "won't"/"won’t" (short for 'will not')?
wont
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you satisfy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the relationships will.
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IELTS academic Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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