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(mobile phone games, online games, console games,

(mobile phone games, online games, console games, mL6o1
The bar chart gives information about the global sales of 4 distinct type of digital games (mobile phone games, online games, console games, handheld games) for 7 years starting with the year 2000. Units are measured in $ bn. Overall, the highest sales around the world is achieved by handheld games in the year 2006, while the mobile phone games considered to be the least as these were not yet started in the year 2000. The sales of Handheld games started just with nearly $12 in 2000. The figure then rose steadily till 2004 about $14 and then before inclined to the peak of approximately $18 in 2006 it has stayed similar to that of 2004 in 2005. Furthermore, other than console games which has gradually declined from 2000 to 2006 (about $6 and $3 respectively) remaining 3 games(mobile phone games, online games, console games) have raised in sales without any drop.
The bar chart gives information about the global
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sales
of 4 distinct type of digital
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games
(mobile phone
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games
, online
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games
, console
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games
, handheld
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games)
for 7 years starting with the
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year
2000. Units
are measured
in $
Possible spelling mistake found.
bn
.

Overall
, the highest
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sales
around the world
is achieved
by handheld
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games
in the
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year
2006, while the mobile phone
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games
considered to be the least as these were not
yet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in the
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year
2000.

The
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sales
of Handheld
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
with
nearly
$12 in 2000. The figure then rose
steadily
till 2004 about $14 and then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
inclined to the peak of approximately $18 in 2006 it has stayed similar to that of 2004 in 2005.

Furthermore
, other than console
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which has
gradually
declined from 2000 to 2006 (about $6 and $3
respectively
) remaining 3 games(mobile phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, console
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games)
have raised in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
without any drop.
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IELTS academic (mobile phone games, online games, console games,

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
152 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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