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The chart given illustrates the number of travelers in millions that are using three major airports in New York City between 1995 and 2000.

The chart given illustrates the number of travelers in millions that are using three major airports in New York City between 1995 and 2000. brL9Q
Overall, the total of travelers for both airports, John F. Kennedy and LaGuardia has increased in the given period of time but with vacillations. Whereas there is a gradual upsurge in number of travelers using Newark airport over the period of time. Moreover, the soar of travelers is highest at LaGuardia airport and lowest at John F. Kennedy airport in the given years. Firstly, starting with approximately 25 million travelers at John F. Kennedy airport in 1995, it was uplifted to nearly 50 million in 1997. But in 1998 it showed a moderate fall to almost 30 million travelers. But after that it started increasing and was approximately 45 million in 2000. Secondly, the number of travelers at LaGuardia was close to 50 million in 1995, which showed quite fluctuation till 1999 but in 2000 there was a sudden rise to approximately 70 millions from 50 million in 1999. In the similar manner, number of travelers at Newark was lowest amongst the three in 1995 with only 18 million travelers, but with the passage of time, it showed a gradual increase and was almost 40 million in 2000.
Overall
, the total of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelers
for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
airports
, John F. Kennedy and LaGuardia has increased in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period of time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with vacillations.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
there is a gradual upsurge in number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelers
using Newark
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
airport
over the period of time.
Moreover
, the soar of
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travelers
is highest at LaGuardia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
airport
and lowest at John F. Kennedy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
airport
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years.

Firstly
, starting with approximately 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelers
at John F. Kennedy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
airport
in 1995, it
was uplifted
to
nearly
50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 1997.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in 1998 it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a moderate fall to almost 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
after that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
increasing and was approximately 45
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million
in 2000.

Secondly
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelers
at LaGuardia was close to 50
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million
in 1995, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
quite fluctuation till 1999
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2000 there was a sudden rise to approximately 70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
from 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 1999. In the similar manner, number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelers
at Newark was lowest amongst the three in 1995 with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
18
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the passage of time, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a gradual increase and was almost 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 2000.
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IELTS academic The chart given illustrates the number of travelers in millions that are using three major airports in New York City between 1995 and 2000.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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