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men and women who are studying engineering at Australian universities

men and women who are studying engineering at Australian universities pKbK3
The bar chart shows the amount of men and women who are studying engineering at Australian universities between the year 1992, 2002 and 2012. It is clear from the chart that, in 1992 the number of male students recorded with 14, 000 which was further observed with slight decrease to 12, 000 in 2002. This amount remained constant in 2012. In addition to this, 2, 000 number of women were studying engineering in the tear 1992. However, in the year 2002 and 2012 the number of female students accounted as 4, 000 and 6, 000 respectively. Overall, the number of male students decreased with increasing year. Whereas, female students showed an increasing pattern.
The bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women who are studying engineering at Australian universities between the year 1992, 2002 and 2012.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the chart that, in 1992 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
recorded with 14, 000 which was
further
observed with slight decrease to 12, 000 in 2002. This amount remained constant in 2012.

In addition
to this, 2, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of women were studying engineering in the tear 1992.
However
, in the year 2002 and 2012 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
accounted as 4, 000 and 6, 000
respectively
.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
decreased with increasing year.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an increasing pattern.
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IELTS academic men and women who are studying engineering at Australian universities

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
113 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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