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many people travelling to different country have advantages but some pleople find disadvantages

many people travelling to different country have advantages but some pleople find disadvantages VlO73
The pie chart illustrate the export carried out from various EU countries to India and China in year 2000 and 2011. United Kingdom Belgium and Germany export large amount of goods to India in 2000 among all the EU countries but in 2011 UK and Belgium decreased the export where as Germany take a rise in terms of export in India, whereas Germany is on top to export the goods to China in 2010 as well as 2011. Let’s talk about India, in 2000 United Kingdom is top among other EU countries by exporting approximately one third portion of goods to India, Belgium secure the 2nd position by exporting one fourth of total exports, some countries like France, Italy and Germany export 8%, 7%, 15% respectively, whereas Austria, Finland, Spain, Sweden export the goods in lowest number nearly equally to 1% or 2%, In 2011 Germany becomes top exporter to India by exporting one fourth of all export, France, Italy, Austria, Spain, Sweden also increased the export by 1% as compared to 2010 but Belgium records slightly dip and export 20%. Coming to China, Germany is top exporter country and export 38% of goods in 2000 and this position is maintained in 2011 also and export nearly half of goods to China among all the EU nations, Finland, France, Italy, Sweden, UK are nearly export 10% of goods in 2000 and some countries like Austria, Belgium, Netherlands, Spain exports 2%, 5%, 4%, 2% respectively, Finland, France and UK decreased the export by 2 % to 4% in 2011 as compared to 2000 whereas, Belgium, Austria shows no any changes in terms of export rate between these two years.
The pie chart illustrate the
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export
carried out from various EU
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countries
to India and China in year 2000 and 2011.

United Kingdom Belgium and Germany
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export
large amount of
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goods
to India in 2000 among all the EU
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countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2011 UK and Belgium decreased the
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export
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
Germany take a rise in terms of
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export
in India, whereas Germany is on
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top
to
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export
the
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goods
to China in 2010
as well
as 2011.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s talk about India, in 2000 United Kingdom is
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top
among other EU
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countries
by exporting approximately one third portion of
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goods
to India, Belgium secure the 2nd position by exporting one fourth of total
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exports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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countries
like France, Italy and Germany
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export
8%, 7%, 15%
respectively
, whereas Austria, Finland, Spain, Sweden
The singular proper name 'Sweden' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "exports", "exported".
export
the
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goods
in
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
number
nearly
equally
to 1% or 2%, In 2011 Germany becomes
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top
exporter to India by exporting one fourth of all
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export
, France, Italy, Austria, Spain, Sweden
also
increased the
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export
by 1% as compared to 2010
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Belgium records
slightly
dip and
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export
20%.

Coming to China, Germany is
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top
exporter
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country
and
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export
38% of
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goods
in 2000 and this position
is maintained
in 2011
also
and
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export
nearly
half of
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goods
to China among all the EU nations, Finland, France, Italy, Sweden, UK are
nearly
Consider using a past participle here: "exported".
export
10% of
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goods
in 2000 and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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countries
like Austria, Belgium, Netherlands, Spain
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exports
2%, 5%, 4%, 2%
respectively
, Finland, France and UK decreased the
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export
by 2 % to 4% in 2011 as compared to 2000 whereas, Belgium, Austria
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any
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changes
in terms of
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export
rate between these two years.
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IELTS academic many people travelling to different country have advantages but some pleople find disadvantages

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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