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many people think other subjects, that significant are Math, Science and Technology, Physic, That more important than History Subject

many people think other subjects, that significant are Math, Science and Technology, Physic, That more important than History Subject 9l88j
In my opinion, many people think other subjects, that significant are Math, Science and Technology, Physic, That more important than History Subject, Because History subject that can learn by ourselves or myself, However that Difficult subject that need teacher to teach Because that have a numerous of trick to do the Question. For example in my school a numerous of students are learning the difficult subject like math, that was teach by teacher, Moreover student spend a lot of their time to read Science and Technology as well as Physic, Because My was asked me, Why you spend a lot of time to read book, Moreover How can I got top Score of math and history in the class, In Contary I told them “I spent my free time to read and practice my math skills, But I wants to knew “Where did this formula come from” that made I knew the history subject in the same time. In the other hand my friends told me “they did not want to studied about the history, Because they had a special class on the weekend as well as them was taught by the special school. In Consequently I disagree the question because my parent hope me to get high score in Math, Science and technology that is true Because History Subject that can not be use in my occupation and my master degree level, In the other hand that can be use to teach my children. However it depends on people and social community.
In my opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, that significant are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Math
, Science and Technology, Physic, That more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Subject
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
that can learn by ourselves or
Please check whether you should use the object pronoun "me".
myself
,
However
that Difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
that need teacher to teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
that have
The phrase 'a numerous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a numerous of
trick to do the Question.
For example
in my school
The phrase 'a numerous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a numerous of
students are learning the difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
math
, that was
Consider using a past participle here: "taught".
teach
by teacher,
Moreover
student spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to read Science and Technology
as well
as Physic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
My
was asked
me
If " Why" starts an indirect question, you do not need to put a comma before it.
, Why
you spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to read book,
Moreover
How can I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
top Score of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
math
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, In
Possible spelling mistake found.
Contary
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
them “I spent my free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to read and practice my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
math
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
The pronoun 'I' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "want"
wants
to
Did you mean "know"?
knew
“Where did this formula
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from” that made I knew the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In the other hand my friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me “they did not want to
Did you mean "study"?
studied
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they had a special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
on the weekend
as well
as them
was taught
by the special school. In
Consequently
I disagree the question
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my parent hope me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high score in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Math
, Science and technology
that is
true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Subject
that can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in my occupation and my master degree level, In the other hand that can be
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
teach my children.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it depends on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and social community.

IELTS academic many people think other subjects, that significant are Math, Science and Technology, Physic, That more important than History Subject

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
253 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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