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making dairy process such as milk, butter and...

making dairy process such as milk, butter and. . . BJlap
This represented diagram explains processing dairy products. Overall, various stages are organized which start with nurturing cows in the grassland and finish with food distribution in the market. To begin, after grazing, herd cows are sent into the specific places for milking process. Unexpected movements of cows are controlled in these restricted and narrow chambers. The process is accomplished with milking machine based on sanitary protocols. Following this, milk is gathered into the refrigeration storage directly. The milk is transported with milk tanker trucks to the factory. Given the importance of providing fresh milk in dairy industry, this part of the process has to be done daily. Then milk tanker is discharged in order to fill the giant cylindrical storages which are placed in dairy unit. The storages are connected with each other with several pipes which have the duty of moving milk to other units of the factory. Next, in each unit a specific product is produced and packaged. finally, All products such as pasteurized milk, butter, cream and cheese in various are distributed in the super-markets and shops for daily consumption with various kinds of packing and containers.
This represented diagram
explains
processing dairy products.
Overall
, various stages
are organized
which
start
with nurturing cows in the grassland and finish with food distribution in the market.

To
begin
, after grazing, herd cows are
sent
into the specific places for milking process. Unexpected movements of cows
are controlled
in these restricted and narrow chambers. The process
is accomplished
with milking machine based on sanitary protocols. Following this,
milk
is gathered
into the refrigeration storage
directly
. The
milk
is transported
with
milk
tanker trucks to the factory.
Given
the importance of providing fresh
milk
in dairy industry, this part of the process
has to
be done
daily. Then
milk
tanker
is discharged
in order to fill the giant cylindrical
storages
which
are placed
in dairy unit. The
storages
are connected
with each other with several pipes which have the duty of moving
milk
to other units of the factory.
Next
, in each unit a specific product
is produced
and packaged.
finally
, All products such as pasteurized
milk
, butter, cream and cheese in various
are distributed
in the super-markets and shops for daily consumption with various kinds of packing and containers.
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IELTS academic making dairy process such as milk, butter and. . .

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
190 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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