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Line Graph of T.V. technologies

Line Graph of T.V. technologies eKr9A
The line graph provides the information about proportions of different T. V. technologies in a city in the US from 2004 to 2014. Overall, Satellite and Internet tech showed an upward trend whilst cable and broadcast experienced a downward trend. Satellite-assisted television showed a moderate increase from 70, 000 households in 2004 to almost 120, 000 in 2014, becoming the second most preferred one. Cable and broadcast T. V. lost their popularity over the decade. Both had almost the same popularity of nearly ninety thousand but fell significantly to around 70, 000 and 20, 000 respectively. The drop in broadcast users is dramatic. Internet starting from the ground at 20 thousand in 2014, showed an abrupt increase in the number of users to around two lakhs by 2014, becoming the most used one.
The line graph provides the information about proportions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
T. V. technologies in a city in the US from 2004 to 2014.

Overall
, Satellite and Internet tech
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an upward trend whilst cable and broadcast experienced a downward trend.

Satellite-assisted television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a moderate increase from 70, 000 households in 2004 to almost 120, 000 in 2014, becoming the second most preferred one.

Cable and broadcast T. V. lost their popularity over the decade. Both had almost the same popularity of
nearly
ninety thousand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
fell
significantly
to around 70, 000 and 20, 000
respectively
. The drop in broadcast users is dramatic.

Internet starting from the ground at 20 thousand in 2014,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an abrupt increase in the number of users to around two lakhs by 2014, becoming the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
one.
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IELTS academic Line Graph of T.V. technologies

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
133 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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