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Line graph about percentage of people aged 65 and overs between three countries

Line graph about percentage of people aged 65 and overs between three countries XEmgP
This line graph elucidates the information about the percentage of people aged 65 and overs between one century in three different parts of the world. An increase in the percentage of senior citizens between 1940 to 1960 in the USA and Sweden as compared to Japan. From 1960 to 1980, there has no change (flat lime) in Japan. After 20 years, the percentage of people has decreased in the USA as well as in Sweden. but it's increased in Japan. Japan has rapidly increased in percentage of people over 65 years between 2000 to 2020 also in Sweden, but the USA has not any population change. From 2020 to 2040, the USA, Japan, Sweden all of the three continental rapidly increased population
This line graph elucidates the information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aged 65 and overs between one century in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world.

An increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of senior citizens
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1940 and 1960".
between 1940 to 1960
in the USA and Sweden as compared to Japan. From 1960 to 1980, there has no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
(flat lime) in Japan. After 20 years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has decreased in the USA
as well
as in Sweden.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
it's increased in Japan.

Japan has
rapidly
increased in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
over 65 years
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2000 and 2020".
between 2000 to 2020
also
in Sweden,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the USA has not any population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. From 2020 to 2040, the USA, Japan, Sweden
Consider using "all the".
all of the
three continental
rapidly
increased
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
population
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IELTS academic Line graph about percentage of people aged 65 and overs between three countries

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
121 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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