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Line gragh shows the percentage of women employed in four country

Line gragh shows the percentage of women employed in four country AJmdw
This chart shows the percentage of women employed in four countries over an interval of twenty years. Information is shown for the USA, Korea, Afghanistan, and France from 1985 to 2005. As can be seen from the chart, the rate of employed women in the USA went up steadily from 1985 to 2000. There was a slight decrease in the last five years. In Korea, there was a steady twenty-year increase with no fall in the percentage of women employed. For ten years from 1985 to 1995, Afghanistan's percentage of employed women rose slowly. However, there was a sharp drop of 30% between 1995 and 2000. This went down further in 2005. France's rate of employed women fell by 10% in the first five years of the period. The rate then increased continuously until 2005. In conclusion, all countries had a higher percentage of employed women in 2005 than in 1985 except for Afghanistan. Out of four countries, the USA and France were the countries where the majority of women were employed in 2005
This chart
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shows
the
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percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
in four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
over an interval of twenty years. Information
is shown
for the USA, Korea, Afghanistan, and France from 1985 to 2005.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart, the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the USA went up
steadily
from 1985 to 2000. There was a slight decrease in the last five years. In Korea, there was a steady twenty-year increase with no fall in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
. For ten years from 1985 to 1995, Afghanistan's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
rose
slowly
.
However
, there was a sharp drop of 30% between 1995 and 2000. This went down
further
in 2005. France's rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
fell by 10% in the
first
five years of the period. The rate then increased
continuously
until 2005.

In conclusion
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
had a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in 2005 than in 1985
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
Afghanistan. Out of four
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countries
, the USA and France were the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
in 2005
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IELTS academic Line gragh shows the percentage of women employed in four country

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
173 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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