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Leisure activities of Australian children

Leisure activities of Australian children 9LB9w
The bar chart compares the percentage of various free time activities which are preferred by 5-14 years old Australian children.  It is clear that watching TV and videos is the most preferred one among the children. In one out of five categories, only art and craft is popular among girls than boys. However, in general, boys are mostly dominated free time activities. According to the chart, all Australian boys and girls are fascinated to watch videos and TV programmes and this is the most typical leisure activity. The second most favored one among these youths is playing computer games and over 80% boys are engaged in this compared to 60% girls. In terms of riding bike more than 75% boys do it in their free time while this rate among girls is less than 60%. Skateboarding is the least favored activity. Just over 20% of girls and less than 40% boys take part in it.  There is only one activity that ratio of girls is more than boys, namely art and craft. Boys are almost outnumbered by girls by roughly two to one.
The bar chart compares the percentage of various free time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which
are preferred
by 5-14 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
Australian children.  It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that watching TV and videos is the most preferred one among the children. In one out of five categories,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
art and craft is popular among
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girls
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
.
However
,
in general
,
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boys
are
mostly
dominated free time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. According to the chart, all Australian
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boys
and
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girls
are fascinated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
videos and TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and this is the most typical leisure
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activity
. The second most favored one among these youths is playing computer games and over 80%
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boys
are engaged
in this compared to 60%
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girls
. In terms of riding bike more than 75%
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boys
do it in their free time while this rate among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
is less than 60%. Skateboarding is the least favored
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
over 20% of
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girls
and less than 40%
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boys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in it.  There is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
is more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
,
namely
art and craft.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Boys
are almost outnumbered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
by roughly two to one.
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IELTS academic Leisure activities of Australian children

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
183 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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