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Information about age, income and population below poverty line in the three states in USA.

Information about age, income and population below poverty line in the three states in USA. XqjlY
The given table illustrates the socio-demographic data of inhabitants residing in three different province mainly Florida California and Utah in USA. Overall, from the data it is clear that Florida has the highest number of elderly population while least proportion of under 18 age group. As well as California and Florida had almost a similar distribution of income. Furthermore, California had 16% of the population in BPL sector. According to the data, Utah accumulated a significant proportion of nearly 28% non-adolescents and the least account of 8% old age group. Moreover, the same region reported the lowest income status by 17000 and only 9% of the occupants were in the BPL sector. California and Florida had almost similar percentages of under 18 peoples I, e. 17% and 16% respectively also, the same pattern was showcased in the case of income 23, 000 and 22, 000. Whereas, Utah had the lowest per capital income. In addition, 10% difference was noted between California and Florida in the 60+ aged category (13% and 23%).
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table illustrates the
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio-demographic
data of inhabitants residing in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible agreement error. The noun 'province' seems to be countable, so consider using: "provinces".
province
mainly
Florida California and Utah
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
.

Overall
, from the data it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that Florida has the highest number of elderly population while least proportion of under 18 age group.
As well
as California and Florida had almost a similar distribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
.
Furthermore
, California had 16% of the population in BPL sector.

According to the data, Utah accumulated a significant proportion of
nearly
28% non-adolescents and the least account of 8%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age group.
Moreover
, the same region reported the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
status by 17000 and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
9% of the occupants were in the BPL sector.

California and Florida had almost similar percentages of under 18 peoples I, e. 17% and 16%
respectively
also
, the same pattern
was showcased
in the case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
23, 000 and 22, 000.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, Utah had the lowest per capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
.
In addition
, 10% difference
was noted
between California and Florida in the 60+ aged category (13% and 23%).

IELTS academic Information about age, income and population below poverty line in the three states in USA.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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