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Indian is not one of the developed countries in the world , it has a fluctuation of living.

Indian is not one of the developed countries in the world, it has a fluctuation of living. Mo2ga
The bar illustrates static age of Indian people. Likewise, there is shown pre cent age of humans who reach different lifespan. In light of the fact, that Indian is not one of the developed countries in the world, it has a fluctuation of living. Overall, the peak of the living reaches 85 and over, nevertheless most small amount of people who live out to that ages make up less 0. 3 per cent, as well as 75-84 ages society with 1. 7%. Indian average age breakdown is one the lowest rate all around the world. It can be seen most part of humans break down as child aged under 15 and that per cent on top of that diagram with 27%. Further, in contrast with first place breaking down not better coming 15-29 aged people take second place with 26%. Average is 30-44 with 21. 8% on purple slide is shown and pink slide indicates statistician of 45-59 aged persons who have 45-59 age. Only 7. 7% individuals survive till 60-74 age. However, lifetime from 74 to 75 strongly differ in percentage terms. To conclude, Indians’ breakdown age is lowest. Despite that country takes place 1 by population, on contrary the quality of life make wish better, as the majority do not achieve even 15-30 age.
The bar illustrates static
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age
of Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Likewise
, there
is shown
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre
cent
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age
of humans who reach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
lifespan. In light of the fact, that Indian is not one of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
in the world, it has a fluctuation of living.

Overall
, the peak of the living reaches 85 and over,
nevertheless
most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
out to that
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ages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up less 0. 3 per cent,
as well
as 75-84
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ages
society with 1. 7%.

Indian average
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age
breakdown is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the lowest rate all around the world. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
most part of humans break down as child aged under 15 and that per cent
on top of that
diagram with 27%.
Further
,
in contrast
with
first
place breaking down not better coming 15-29 aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
take second place with 26%. Average is 30-44 with 21. 8% on purple slide
is shown
and pink slide indicates statistician of 45-59 aged persons who have 45-59
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
7. 7% individuals survive till 60-74
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
However
, lifetime from 74 to 75
strongly
differ in percentage terms.

To conclude
, Indians’ breakdown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is lowest. Despite that country takes place 1 by population, on contrary the quality of life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
wish better, as the majority do not achieve even 15-30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
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IELTS academic Indian is not one of the developed countries in the world, it has a fluctuation of living.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
216 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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