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In 2011, total inquiries in three ways received the Tourist Information Office in an urban area from January to June period has been illustrated in the line graph.

In 2011, total inquiries in three ways received the Tourist Information Office in an urban area from January to June period has been illustrated in the line graph. Wqpjk
In 2011, total inquiries in three ways received the Tourist Information Office in an urban area from January to June period has been illustrated in the line graph. At first glance, the number of inquiries increased via in person and telephone the end of the period while, number of letter or email decreased considerably. In January, count of inquiries in person was least amount at just over 400 which increased sharply over talking inquiries by letter or email in the month of march and afterward number of inquiries rocketed to about 1900 in the June by over talking inquiries by telephone during April. For telephone inquiries, is has some fluctuation in January to march which was stable during April at about 1000, later on which boom to 1600 in the end of inquiries period. Inquiries by email or letter was second most common method in the January, it decreased slightly from January to march after that it decreased sharply till may at less than 400 which remained stable in the may to June.
In 2011, total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inquiries
in three ways received the Tourist Information Office in an urban area from January to June period has
been illustrated
in the line graph.

At
first
glance, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inquiries
increased via in person and telephone the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period while, number of letter or email decreased
considerably
.

In January, count of
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inquiries
in person was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
amount at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 400 which increased
sharply
over talking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inquiries
by letter or email in the month of march and afterward number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inquiries
rocketed to about 1900 in the June by over talking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inquiries
by telephone during April. For telephone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inquiries
, is has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuation in January to march which was stable during April at about 1000, later on which boom to 1600 in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inquiries
period.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Inquiries
by email or letter was second most common method in the January, it decreased
slightly
from January to march after that it decreased
sharply
till
The month "May" needs to be capitalized.
may
at less than 400 which remained stable in the may to June.
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IELTS academic In 2011, total inquiries in three ways received the Tourist Information Office in an urban area from January to June period has been illustrated in the line graph.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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