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Ielts task 1 Working Pie Charts

Ielts task 1 Working Pie Charts wBppY
The given pie charts depicts information about the percentage of people working in 3 various sectors in town A and B in 2 separate years: 1960 and 2010. Looking from overall perspective, it is apparent that, the ratio of sales decreased in both town, while manufacturing demonstrated the uptick trend and the number of people people who works in service industry diminished in town A, but not in town B. To begin with, in 1960 sale was a predominant industry which was equal to 41% in town A and 70 % in town B. However, the chart clearly showed the downward trend and it declined to 21% in town A and to 53% in town B. While it still remained the largest proportion for Town A, the town B manufacturing substitute the its place and it surged to 64% which is more that twice that of 1960s. Similarly, percentage supplied by manufacturing in town B, rose 15% and turned into second owerwhelping share. Furthermore, throughout this time phase, services employed lowest proportion in both town. In town A it ended at 16 % (which was almost halved) and in town B, it reached 22% and it was only 2% higher than in 1960.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts depicts information about the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working in 3 various sectors in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A and B in 2 separate years: 1960 and 2010.

Looking from
overall
perspective, it is apparent that, the ratio of sales decreased in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
, while manufacturing demonstrated the uptick trend and the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
works
in service industry diminished in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in 1960 sale was a predominant industry which was equal to 41% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A and 70 % in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B.
However
, the chart
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the downward trend and it declined to 21% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A and to 53% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B. While it
still
remained the largest proportion for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Town
A, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B manufacturing substitute
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "its place" or "the place"?
the its place
and it surged to 64% which is more that twice that of 1960s.
Similarly
, percentage supplied by manufacturing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B, rose 15% and turned into second
Possible spelling mistake found.
owerwhelping
share.

Furthermore
, throughout this time phase, services employed lowest proportion in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
Possible typo. Did you mean "A" or "it"?
A it
ended at 16 % (which was almost halved) and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B, it reached 22% and it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2% higher than in 1960.
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IELTS academic Ielts task 1 Working Pie Charts

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
203 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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