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Ielts task 1 esssay about computer manufacturers in the years 2006,2007 and 2014

Ielts task 1 esssay about computer manufacturers in the years 2006, 2007 and 2014 EwNKQ
The table illustrates the percentages of laptops produced by different companies in the given years. Overall, it is clear that HP was the leading notebook manufacturer in the years 2006, 2007 and 2014 To commence with, in 2006, HP held the highest share, at 31. 4%, and had slightly increased to 34. 25% over the years while still keeping its number one position. Others, which were not specified in the table, followed HP in market shares, at 22. 8%. However, in the years 2007 and 2014, their figures experienced a dramatic decrease and fell to 7. 11%. Fijutsi which had the least portion in the sector at the beginning kept its position while dropping its number to 3. 1%. During 2006-2014, Dell, Samsung, Toshiba and Lenovo’s shares all experienced an increase in their numbers, except Samsung dropping by 0. 9% in the year 2007. Dell became the second largest producer thanks to almost one-tenth grow in the computer manufacturing.
The table illustrates the percentages of laptops produced by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years.
Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that HP was the leading notebook manufacturer in the years 2006, 2007 and 2014

To commence with, in 2006, HP held the highest share, at 31. 4%, and had
slightly
increased to 34. 25% over the years while
still
keeping its number one position. Others, which were not specified in the table, followed HP in market shares, at 22. 8%.
However
, in the years 2007 and 2014, their figures experienced a dramatic decrease and fell to 7. 11%.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Fijutsi
which had the least portion in the sector at the beginning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
its position while dropping its number to 3. 1%.

During 2006-2014, Dell, Samsung, Toshiba and Lenovo’s shares all experienced an increase in their numbers, except Samsung dropping by 0. 9% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2007. Dell became the second largest producer thanks to almost one-tenth grow in the computer manufacturing.
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IELTS academic Ielts task 1 esssay about computer manufacturers in the years 2006, 2007 and 2014

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
159 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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