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how internet users aged +16 prefer to access the internet at home and in other places

how internet users aged +16 prefer to access the internet at home and in other places g55YO
The given pie chart delineates proportions of the preferred devices for access to the internet, by people aged 16 and older. 5 types of access ways to the internet are shown by the diagram, and they are followed: on a desktop computer, on a tablet, on a laptop, on a smartphone, and other Overwhelmingly, smartphone and laptop constitute the most popular choices while the other access option has the lowest rate among people. The diagram clearly shows that the significant access tools are smartphones which are the first choice of 33% of people, And with a difference of three percent, laptops are the second favorite devices among people. tablet and desktop computer were the next most popular choice, accounting for nearly a third of people, Just 19% tend to use a tablet and a further 14% choose the desktop computer. Finally, 4% of people prefer unspecified devices other than these main four.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie chart delineates proportions of the preferred devices for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the internet, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aged 16 and older. 5 types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
ways to the internet
are shown
by the diagram, and they
are followed
:

on a desktop computer, on a tablet, on a laptop, on a smartphone, and other

Overwhelmingly
, smartphone and laptop constitute the most popular choices while the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
option has the lowest rate among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The diagram
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
tools are smartphones which are the
first
choice of 33% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, And with a difference of three percent, laptops are the second favorite devices among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
tablet
and desktop computer were the
next
most popular choice, accounting for
nearly
a third of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
19% tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a tablet and a
further
14% choose the desktop computer.

Finally
, 4% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer unspecified devices other than these main four.
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IELTS academic how internet users aged +16 prefer to access the internet at home and in other places

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
152 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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