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How drinking water is made in Australian town from rainwater

How drinking water is made in Australian town from rainwater 6dGDB
The given diagram illustrates the detailed process of converting rainwater to drinking water in a town of Australia. It can be clearly visible that firstly rainwater is collected on the roofs of Australian houses and thorough drainage, it comes down in underground pipes. Secondly, this salty rainwater is purified by filters; after filtration pure water is stored in a large chamber. Moving further, stored water is sent to another chamber where chemicals are added to it to make it suitable for drinking. After water treatment, drinking water is supplied to each and every home in Australia through underground pipes. Overall, to make drinking water from rainwater, several steps are carried out. And rainwater undergo machine filteration and chemical treatment before being supplied to Australian houses.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagram illustrates the detailed process of converting
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rainwater
to
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drinking
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water
in a town of Australia.

It can be
clearly
visible that
firstly
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rainwater
is collected
on the roofs of Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and thorough drainage, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
down in underground pipes.
Secondly
, this salty
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rainwater
is purified
by filters; after filtration pure
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water
is stored
in a large chamber.

Moving
further
, stored
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water
is
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sent
to another chamber where chemicals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it suitable for
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drinking
. After
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water
treatment,
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drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is supplied
to each and every home in Australia through underground pipes.

Overall
, to
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make
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drinking
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water
from
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rainwater
, several steps
are carried
out. And
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rainwater
undergo machine
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filteration
and chemical treatment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being supplied
to Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.
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IELTS academic How drinking water is made in Australian town from rainwater

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
125 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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