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higher education in five different countries

higher education in five different countries O6awN
The chart illustrates the percentage of women going into higher education in five different countries in the years of 1980 and 2015. In South Korea only a small minority of women continued their studies after high school. In the year of 1980 only approximately one sixth of them did so and it didn’t increase more than 15% in the next thirty-five years. The percentage of women who went into higher education in Australia was just under 60% in both years, therefore being the country with the highest rate compared to the other observed nations. The UK and the USA show a similar pattern, in the span of thirty-five years the number of women studying in universities or colleges increased by 20% in both places, so in the year of 2015 this meant roughly three in five women. In France the difference between the two years wasn’t exceptionally huge, it only changed from 50% to approximately 53%. Overall, in most countries as time passed, more and more women chose or had the chance to participate in higher education, except in Australia, where the percentage was exactly as high in the year of 1980 as in 2015.
The chart illustrates the percentage of
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women
going into higher education in five
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different
countries in the years of 1980 and 2015.

In South Korea
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only
a
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small
minority of
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women
continued their studies after high school. In the
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year
of 1980
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
approximately one sixth of them did
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so
and it didn’t increase more than 15% in the
next
thirty-five years. The percentage of
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women
who went into higher education in Australia was
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just
under 60% in both years,
therefore
being the country with the highest rate compared to the other observed nations. The UK and the USA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a similar pattern, in the span of thirty-five years the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
studying in universities or colleges increased by 20% in both places,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in the
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year
of 2015 this meant roughly three in five
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women
. In France the difference between the two years wasn’t
exceptionally
huge, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
from 50% to approximately 53%.

Overall
, in most countries as time passed, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
chose or had the chance to participate in higher education, except in Australia, where the percentage was exactly as high in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 1980 as in 2015.
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IELTS academic higher education in five different countries

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
195 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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