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he supplied bar chart, compares and contrasts data on the differences in the number of travelers in the 5 countries namely France, USA, NewZeland, Spain and Australia measures in thousand people (TP).

he supplied bar chart, compares and contrasts data on the differences in the number of travelers in the 5 countries namely France, USA, NewZeland, Spain and Australia measures in thousand people (TP). rGB2m
The supplied bar chart, compares and contrasts data on the differences in the number of travelers in the 5 countries namely France, USA, NewZeland, Spain and Australia measures in thousand people (TP). As shown in the illustration, it is evident that, Australia is a popular place for british immigrants over a period of 4 years between 2004 and 2007 and in same period, USA and New Zeland didn't a favorate goal for srangers. With regard to foriegners rate, Australia was chosen as a main destination for migration. According to the chart most of departures occured in 2006 when its rate was roughly 50(TP). It is the highest number in the all years among 5 countries. Quantity of people didn't experience a smooth fall or rise. It was fluctuated. People have chosen spain as a good country for accommodiation after Australia. As the diagram suggests, between 2004 and 2007 there is a gradual fall from 35(TP) to 28(TP). Nevertheless there is more tripper than other countries except Australia. New Zeland and USA have never seen a lot of newcomers unlike other places. Their highest record was 23(TP) and 24(TP) for NewZeland in 2004 and USA in 2006 respectievly. As can be seen in the figure, in 2005 France became to a attractive choice for aliens like spain with a notable rate of 35(TP). But in 2007 it experienced a minimum amount between all these countries by 19(TP) even less than USA and NewZeland.
The supplied bar chart, compares and contrasts data on the differences in the number of travelers in the 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
namely
France, USA,
Possible spelling mistake found.
NewZeland
, Spain and Australia measures in
Use "a thousand" or use a number before 'thousand'.
thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
(TP).

As shown in the illustration, it is evident that, Australia is a popular place for
Possible spelling mistake found.
british
immigrants over a period of 4 years between 2004 and 2007 and in same period, USA and New
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zeland
didn't a
Possible spelling mistake found.
favorate
goal for
Possible spelling mistake found.
srangers
.

With regard to
Possible spelling mistake found.
foriegners
rate, Australia
was chosen
as a main destination for migration. According to the chart
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the departures") or simply say "most departures".
most of departures
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
in 2006 when its rate was roughly 50(TP). It is the highest number in the all years among 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Quantity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
didn't experience a smooth fall or rise. It
was fluctuated
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have chosen
Possible spelling mistake found.
spain
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
accommodiation
after Australia. As the diagram suggests, between 2004 and 2007 there is a gradual fall from 35(TP) to 28(TP).
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
there is more tripper than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
except Australia.

New
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zeland
and USA have never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
newcomers unlike other places. Their highest record was 23(TP) and 24(TP) for
Possible spelling mistake found.
NewZeland
in 2004 and USA in 2006
Possible spelling mistake found.
respectievly
.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the figure, in 2005 France became to
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
attractive choice for aliens
Possible spelling mistake found.
like spain
with a notable rate of 35(TP).
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in 2007 it experienced a minimum amount between all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by 19(TP) even less
A determiner is probably missing here: "than the USA".
than USA
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
NewZeland
.
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IELTS academic he supplied bar chart, compares and contrasts data on the differences in the number of travelers in the 5 countries namely France, USA, NewZeland, Spain and Australia measures in thousand people (TP).

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
242 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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