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Write about a dramatic accident /incident.

Write about a dramatic accident /incident. Klmo6
My grandfather had an accident two years ago. It happened on a time morning when he did exercise by his bike. He drove very slow and prepare to turn but there was a motorbike coming and crashed to my grandfather. After that, he felt dizzy breathless and very hurt in his left leg. The man in the motorbike went to my grandfather to check what was wrong. The man was quickly walked to he and first aid for him because his left leg was broken and couldn’t move. Then he was admitted to hospital. The man who cashed his motorbike into my grandfather was very worried and called my family. After 15 minutes, my uncle and my grandmother went to hospital. Luckily, if not get first aid in time, he would have been danger to life. After a few weeks, he couldn’t do anything with his leg so he felt terrible. But now, he is fine and can do exercise.
My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandfather
had an accident two years ago. It happened on a time morning when he did exercise by his bike. He drove
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
slow and prepare to turn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there was a motorbike coming and crashed to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandfather
. After that, he felt dizzy breathless and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
hurt in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
leg. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in the motorbike went to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandfather
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
what was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
was
quickly
walked to he and
first
aid for him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
leg
was broken
and couldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
. Then he
was admitted
to hospital. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who cashed his motorbike into my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandfather
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
worried and called my family. After 15 minutes, my uncle and my grandmother went to hospital. Luckily, if not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
first
aid in time, he would have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to life. After a few weeks, he couldn’t do anything with his leg
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he felt terrible.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, he is fine and can do exercise.
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IELTS academic Write about a dramatic accident /incident.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
160 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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