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he line chart demonstrates the rate of people living in Australia who migrated from different religions such as : Asia , the UK and other religions . in general, most regions revealed an upward trend in the rate

he line chart demonstrates the rate of people living in Australia who migrated from different religions such as: Asia, the UK and other religions. in general, most regions revealed an upward trend in the rate AJppw
The line chart demonstrates the rate of people living in Australia who migrated from different religions such as: Asia, the UK and other religions. in general, most regions revealed an upward trend in the rate of people at the end of the period except for United Kingdom. In detail, the ratios of the people in Asia reached of a peak from the lowest point at around 2, 5 % to the highest point at 15% in the final year. By comparison, total and other regions followed quite the same pattern of changes, although the former always outstripped the later by at least two times over the years. Specifically, in spite of a plunge in the first three years, the later soared to a high of nearly 14% before decline to about 13 % in the final period whereas after falling down from around 23% to 20% in the first 6 years, the former surged to a peak of 25% in 2011. Unlike others, the UK saw the downward trend from highest point of approximately 14% to the lowest point of 5% in the last year. Strikingly, in the middle of 1996 and 2001, Asia and the UK shared the equal proportions of immigrants
The line chart demonstrates the rate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in Australia who migrated from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
religions

such as: Asia, the UK and other religions.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
general, most regions revealed an upward trend in the rate

of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period except
A determiner is probably missing here: "for the United Kingdom".
for United Kingdom
. In detail, the ratios of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Asia

reached of a peak from the lowest point at around 2, 5 % to the highest point at 15% in the final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. By

comparison, total and other regions followed quite the same pattern of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
, although the former

always outstripped the
Did you mean "latter" (=the second of two items)?
later
by at least two times over the years.
Specifically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
a plunge in the

first
three years, the
Did you mean "latter" (=the second of two items)?
later
soared to a high of
nearly
14%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
decline to about 13 % in the final

period whereas after falling down from around 23% to 20% in the
first
6 years, the former surged to a

peak of 25% in 2011.

Unlike others, the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the downward trend from
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
point of approximately 14% to the lowest

point of 5% in the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
Strikingly
, in the middle of 1996 and 2001, Asia and the UK shared the

equal proportions of immigrants
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IELTS academic he line chart demonstrates the rate of people living in Australia who migrated from different religions such as: Asia, the UK and other religions. in general, most regions revealed an upward trend in the rate

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
202 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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