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he graph illustrates the information of part-time employees in four countries in the Commonwealth.

he graph illustrates the information of part-time employees in four countries in the Commonwealth. KwWK1
he graph illustrates the information of part-time employees in four countries in the Commonwealth. The information is divided into two different years and is presented by percentage. Overall, three nations presented an increase in their rates, in contrast just one country decreased the percentage. Moreover, Wales and England remained in first and second place, respectively, in the percentage of people working part-time. To begin with, Wales was the country with the highest percentage of citizens working part-time, with slightly over 30% in 1980, and well over 30% by 2010. In addition, the North Ireland inhabitants, were the only ones that reduced their number of non-full-time workers. In 2010 was just over 10%, but thirty years before it was nearly 15%. Remarkably, Scotland doubled the numbers of part-time employees through the years. In 1980 had 10%, and by 2010 had 20%. To summarize, the number of people working on a part-time job has been increased during the years in three of four countries studied.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "graphs", "graphed".
graph
illustrates the information of part-time employees in four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the Commonwealth. The information
is divided
into two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years and
is presented
by percentage.

Overall
, three nations presented an increase in their rates,
in contrast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
decreased the percentage.
Moreover
, Wales and England remained in
first
and second place,
respectively
, in the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working part-time.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Wales was the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with the highest percentage of citizens working part-time, with
slightly
over 30% in 1980, and well over 30% by 2010.
In addition
, the North Ireland inhabitants, were the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ones that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
their number of non-full-time workers. In 2010 was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 10%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
thirty years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it was
nearly
15%.
Remarkably
, Scotland doubled the numbers of part-time employees through the years. In 1980 had 10%, and by 2010 had 20%.

To summarize
, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working on a part-time job has
been increased
during the years in three of four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
studied.
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IELTS academic he graph illustrates the information of part-time employees in four countries in the Commonwealth.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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