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graph shows the changes in spending habits

graph shows the changes in spending habits 8L2Ll
The given pie chart gives the percentage of changes in spending habits by the residents in the UK on Food, Books, Computers, Furniture, Restaurants, Petrol, and Cars in the years 1971 and 2001. Overall the percentage of expenditure of food, petrol, furniture, books fell down in 1971, while in the year 2001, the proportion of cars, restaurants, computers increased. The percentage of food was the highest in 1971 but it was replaced by cars in 2001. In 1971, the large percentage of expenditure was on food and cars. The residents of UK spend 44% on food in 1971, but this dropped by two thirds to 14% in 2001. However the proportion of cars doubled from 22% in 1971 to 43% in 2001. People spend 10% on petrol and 9% and 6% to purchase furniture and books. The least spend was for computers at 2%. The percentage of expenditure on cars was less than a half, at 43%, while the spending on eating out was climbed from 7% to 14%. The proportion of spending on computers was increased dramatically from 2% in 1971 to 12% in 2001, following which the percentage of expenditure on books plunged from 6% to 1%.
The
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given
pie chart gives the
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percentage
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in spending habits by the residents in the UK on
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Food
,
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Books
, Computers, Furniture, Restaurants, Petrol, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cars
in the years 1971 and 2001.
Overall
the
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percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, petrol, furniture,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
fell down in 1971, while in the year 2001, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, restaurants, computers increased. The
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percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
was the highest in 1971
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
was replaced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in 2001.

In 1971, the large
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percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
was on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
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cars
. The residents of UK spend 44% on
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food
in 1971,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this dropped by two thirds to 14% in 2001.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the proportion of
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cars
doubled from 22% in 1971 to 43% in 2001.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
spend 10% on petrol and 9% and 6% to
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purchase
furniture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. The least spend was for computers at 2%.

The
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percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
was less than a half, at 43%, while the spending on eating out
was climbed
from 7% to 14%.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
proportion of spending on computers
was increased
dramatically
from 2% in 1971 to 12% in 2001, following which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
plunged from 6% to 1%.
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IELTS academic graph shows the changes in spending habits

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
199 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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