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graph illustrates the monthly revenues of a city’s four restaurants

graph illustrates the monthly revenues of a city’s four restaurants YwKEr
The line graph illustrates the monthly revenues of a city’s four restaurants from January to December in 2010. The units are measured in a thousand’s dollars. It can clearly be seen that Spicy Fortune showed a drastic decrease at the end of the period, whereas the figures of all other three shops increased. Looking first at the figure of Spicy Fortune, we can see that it started at the top position with 160, 000 dollars in January. However, it fluctuated until June with 120, 000 dollars. The figures remained stable until September followed by 20, 000 dollars of increase, then dropped to around 50, 000 dollars in December which was only a quarter of the highest figure in March. Turning to the another eating facilities, Grand Fiesta, recorded at 100, 000 dollars in January, then showed small movements for nine months. There was a gradual increase through October and November, finishing with a significant increase by approximately 30, 000 dollars which reached just before 140000dollars. In regards to the other two shops, Evening Paradise and Delicacy, starting points were around 50, 000 and 30, 000 dollars respectively. Both restaurants increased dramatically, ending about 190, 000 and 120, 000 dollars which nearly six times more than the figures at the beginning of the year.
The line graph illustrates the monthly revenues of a city’s four restaurants from January to December in 2010. The units
are measured
in a thousand’s dollars.

It can
clearly
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that Spicy Fortune
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a drastic decrease at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period, whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
of all other three shops increased.

Looking
first
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of Spicy Fortune, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at the top position with 160, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in January.
However
, it fluctuated until June with 120, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
remained stable until September followed by 20, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
of increase, then dropped to around 50, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in December which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a quarter of the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
in March.

Turning to the another eating facilities, Grand Fiesta, recorded at 100, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in January, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
movements for nine months. There was a gradual increase through October and November, finishing with a significant increase by approximately 30, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
which reached
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
140000dollars
.
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
In regards to
the other two shops, Evening Paradise and Delicacy, starting points were around 50, 000 and 30, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
respectively
. Both restaurants increased
dramatically
, ending about 190, 000 and 120, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
which
nearly
six times more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
at the beginning of the year.
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IELTS academic graph illustrates the monthly revenues of a city’s four restaurants

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
213 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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