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changes in the yearly income of Bernie's Buns, Lovely Loaves, and Robbie's Bakery

changes in the yearly income of Bernie's Buns, Lovely Loaves, and Robbie's Bakery rGnYk
The line graph illustrates information about the annual earning of three bakeries suah as; Bernie's Buns, Lovely Loavers and Robbie's Bakery in London, over ten-years period between 2000 and 2010. To begin with, In 2000, the earning income was 20000 pounds by the Robbie's Bakery. From 2001 to 2003, the income fluctuated approximately 40000 pounds by the Robbie's Bakery than from 2003 to 2006 income was constant 40000 pounds. There was a sharp increase seen in the earning income of Robbie's Bakery, it accounted for almost 65000 from 2007 to 2010. However, the earning income was stable around 50000 pounds by Bernie's Buns from 2000 to 2005. There had been a dramatic jump observed in the earning income of Bernie's Buns, it accounted for around 100000 pounds between 2006 and 2010. Furthermore, From 2000 to 2004, the earning income was fluctuation almost 90000 pounds by the Lovely Loaves than there was a slight decrease noticed in the earning income of Lovely Loaves, it accounted for 40000 pounds from 2005 to 2010. Overall, it can be seen that in the initial time period Lovely Loaves earing income was high compared other bakeries. Nonetheless, In 2010, this bakery earing income low than other bakeries.
The line graph illustrates information about the annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
of three bakeries
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suah
as; Bernie's Buns,
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Lovely
Possible spelling mistake found.
Loavers
and Robbie's Bakery in London, over ten-years period between 2000 and 2010.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, In 2000, the
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earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
was
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20000 pounds
by the Robbie's Bakery. From 2001 to 2003, the
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income
fluctuated approximately
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40000 pounds
by the Robbie's Bakery than from 2003 to 2006
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income
was constant
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40000 pounds
. There was a sharp increase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
of Robbie's Bakery, it accounted for almost 65000 from 2007 to 2010.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
was stable around
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50000 pounds
by Bernie's Buns from 2000 to 2005. There had been a dramatic jump observed in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
of Bernie's Buns, it accounted for around
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
100000 pounds
between 2006 and 2010.

Furthermore
, From 2000 to 2004, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
was fluctuation almost
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
90000 pounds
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Lovely
Loaves than there was a slight decrease noticed in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
of
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Lovely
Loaves, it accounted for
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
40000 pounds
from 2005 to 2010.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that in the initial time period
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Lovely
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "Loaves'" or "loaf's"?
Loaves
Possible spelling mistake found.
earing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
was high compared other bakeries. Nonetheless, In 2010, this bakery
Possible spelling mistake found.
earing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
Use "lower" to make a comparison with this adjective.
low
than other bakeries.
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IELTS academic changes in the yearly income of Bernie's Buns, Lovely Loaves, and Robbie's Bakery

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
202 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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