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Bar chart percentage of donations

Bar chart percentage of donations 2R9KA
The bar chart represents the percentage of British people in different age groups from 1990 to 2010 who donated their money. It shows that the out of people belonging to different age groups, middle age groups donated the maximum. In 1990, percentage of donations was the highest by the individuals between 36 to 50. In the starting, young adults were least intrested towards in charitable work. But, with the age catching up, people less spent on charity. When crossed 50 they was slightly decline donation from 13% to 20%. In the middle group they indulged in the work. In 2020 the percentile of charitable work was increased
The bar chart represents the percentage of British
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people
in
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different
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age
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groups
from 1990 to 2010 who donated their money. It
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shows
that the out of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
belonging to
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different
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age
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groups
, middle
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age
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groups
donated the maximum. In 1990, percentage of donations was the highest by the individuals
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 36 and 50".
between 36 to 50
. In the starting, young adults were least
Possible spelling mistake found.
intrested
towards in charitable work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
catching up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
less spent on charity.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
crossed 50 they
Use third-person plural verb with 'they': "are", "were".
was
slightly
decline donation from 13% to 20%. In the middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
they indulged in the work. In 2020 the percentile of charitable work was
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
increased

IELTS academic Bar chart percentage of donations

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
106 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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