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The table gives information about the number of people from 3 age groups employed in 10 different sectors.

The table gives information about the number of people from 3 age groups employed in 10 different sectors. rGn82
The table illustrates the amount of varied workplace worked by various ages of people. It can be clearly seen that both teenagers and middle-ages tend to work in other career, while for manufacturing is popular in middle-ages and seniors. Now turning to the details, most of the employment sectors are slightly risen in 25-40 age group which compare to 18-25 age group. However, citizens do not keen on 3 kinds of careers in middle-ages when they grow up: retail, accountancy and other. One of them has a dramatic decrease, that is retail, from 23 to 7. Interestingly, law is the only one stable job among all workplace, it remains the same number (4). In case of the manufacturing, it raises to 23 in retirement ages which is the highest number in all age group. Meanwhile, local government boost its figure 15 to 23 in 25-65 age. By contrast, catering, law and accountancy have insignificant figures in elderly residents: 4, 4 and 3 respectively.
The table illustrates the amount of varied workplace worked by various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and middle-ages tend to work in other career, while for manufacturing is popular in middle-ages and seniors.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
turning to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, most of the employment sectors are
slightly
risen in 25-40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group which compare to 18-25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group.
However
, citizens do not keen on 3 kinds of careers in middle-ages when they grow up: retail, accountancy and other. One of them has a dramatic decrease,
that is
retail, from 23 to 7.
Interestingly
, law is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one stable job among all workplace, it remains the same number (4).

In case of the manufacturing, it raises to 23 in retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
which is the highest number in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group. Meanwhile, local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
boost its figure 15 to 23 in 25-65
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. By contrast, catering, law and accountancy have insignificant figures in elderly residents: 4, 4 and 3
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The table gives information about the number of people from 3 age groups employed in 10 different sectors.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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