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graduate and post graduate students in 2008

graduate and post graduate students in 2008 Y2G1B
The given bar diagrams illustrate the rate of getting involve in job of graduate and postgraduate pupils of the UK after being pass out from campus in 2008. Overall, it can be observed that most graduate as well as undergraduate students prefer further study to any kinds of jobs. However, only a few numbers of people get involved in voluntary works. Regarding the choices of graduate students, around 30, 000 pupils want to get a higher education. Likewise, approximately half number of students than that of further study preferred part-time job as well as stayed jobless. But, only 3, 500 students decided to get involve in voluntary works. Similarly, in the case of post graduate pupils, 2, 725 students chose for further study whereas only around 200 students less than that decided to do part time work. However, 1625 students wanted to stay unemployed and voluntary work is still at the last with the least number of people getting involved.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar diagrams illustrate the rate of getting involve in job of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
and postgraduate pupils of the UK after being pass out from campus in 2008.

Overall
, it can
be observed
that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
as well
as undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer
further
study to any kinds of jobs.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few numbers of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in voluntary works.

Regarding the choices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, around 30, 000 pupils want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher education.
Likewise
, approximately half number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
than that of
further
study preferred part-time job
as well
as stayed jobless.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3, 500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involve in voluntary works.

Similarly
, in the case of post
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graduate
pupils, 2, 725
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
chose for
further
study whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
around 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
less than that decided to do
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
work.
However
, 1625
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
wanted to stay unemployed and voluntary work is
still
at the last with the least number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
getting involved.

IELTS academic graduate and post graduate students in 2008

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
160 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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