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Given graph illustrates the proportion of population aged 65 or a bow in the front country in between 1940 and 2040

Given graph illustrates the proportion of population aged 65 or a bow in the front country in between 1940 and 2040 jb8PM
The given line graph illustrates that, proportion of population aged people in the USA, Sweden and Japan in between 1940 and 2040. According to graph that, there were showed upward trend in each given countries. In 1940, there were in the USA highest proportion of 65 aged population which was approx 10 percentage. Moreover, in Japan and Sweden shows in 1940, five percentage and seven percentage proportion respectively. As per the graph that, there are predict that, highest proportion of over 65 people in 2040 in Japan nation is 27 percentage which were, dramatically increase in previous years. Apart from that, there were also increase in predict rate in the USA and Sweden after some fluctuation which are accordingly 24 percentage and 25 percentage respectively. Overall, it can be clear that, there is shows the rising trend in each given countries to proportion of population of over 65 years.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph illustrates that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of population aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the USA, Sweden and Japan in between 1940 and 2040.

According to graph that, there were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
upward trend in each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
countries. In 1940, there were in the USA highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of 65 aged population which was approx 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
.
Moreover
, in Japan and Sweden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
in 1940, five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
and seven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
respectively
.

As per the graph that, there are
Consider using a past participle here: "predicted".
predict
that,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of over 65
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 2040 in Japan nation is 27
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
which were,
dramatically
increase in previous years. Apart from that, there were
also
increase in predict rate in the USA and Sweden after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuation which are
accordingly
24
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
and 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
respectively
.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the rising trend in each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
countries to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of population of over 65 years.
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IELTS academic Given graph illustrates the proportion of population aged 65 or a bow in the front country in between 1940 and 2040

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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