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cases of whooping cough in Britain

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The two graphs compare the information about the impact of vaccinations on the incidence of whooping sickness in Britain for 5 decades. It is evident that by starting the vaccination in 1955, the number of reported cases decreased sharply and after the decrement of vaccination in the 1970s, the number of sick people suddenly grow up. It is predicted that this disease will be eliminated and the number of reported cases will be zero in 2010. The blue figure shows that before the beginning of vaccination, the number of reported cases was considerably high and it was in a maximum situation in 1940. After 1940 the number of reported cases increased gradually and reached the minimum peak in 1945, but then the numbers started to increase sharply and the figure shows its peak. More than 170, 000 people were reported of illness. While, this number was reported before, in 1940. After the vaccination begins, the number of sick people considerably decreased. About 81 percent of people were vaccinated in 1970 so the number of sick people was about 20, 000 and by decreasing the number of vaccinated people to 30 percent, the number of reported cases increased suddenly in 1980.
The two graphs compare the information about the impact of vaccinations on the incidence of whooping sickness in Britain for 5 decades.

It is evident that by starting the vaccination in 1955, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reported
cases decreased
sharply
and after the decrement of vaccination in the 1970s, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of sick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suddenly
grow up. It
is predicted
that this disease will
be eliminated
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reported
cases will be zero in 2010.

The blue figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the beginning of vaccination, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reported
cases was
considerably
high and it was in a maximum situation in 1940. After 1940 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reported
cases increased
gradually
and reached the minimum peak in 1945,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to increase
sharply
and the figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
its peak. More than 170, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reported
of illness. While, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reported
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, in 1940.

After the vaccination
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of sick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
considerably
decreased. About 81 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were vaccinated
in 1970
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of sick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was about 20, 000 and by decreasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of vaccinated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to 30 percent, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reported
cases increased
suddenly
in 1980.
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IELTS academic cases of whooping cough in Britain

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
200 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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