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Food consumption in China, 1985-2010 ( grams/person/week).

Food consumption in China, 1985-2010 ( grams/person/week). m2n8r
The Line graph gives information about Meat, Salt, and Fish consumption in China throughout the period from 1985 to 2010. Overall, Fish and Meat experienced an increasing trend over the years, while Salt had a decreasing trend in its consumption. Fish consumption increased frequently with some fluctuations in the first years. In 1985 Fish consumed 600 grams, it increased dramatically and reaching 700 grams in 2000 with some fluctuation in previous years. From 2000 to 2010, Fish Consumption had a marked increase and reaching about 850 in 2010. The meat had a slight increase in his consumption. In 1985, it consumed about 100 grams. In 2010, it reaching 200 grams. The Salt the only type of food which had a decreasing trend over the years among all other categories. It Dropped slightly from almost 490 grams in 1985 to 200 grams in 2010.
The Line graph gives information about Meat, Salt, and Fish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
in China throughout the period from 1985 to 2010.

Overall
, Fish and Meat experienced an increasing trend over the years, while Salt had a decreasing trend in its consumption.

Fish
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consumption
increased
frequently
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations in the
first
years. In 1985 Fish consumed 600
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grams
, it increased
dramatically
and reaching 700
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grams
in 2000 with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuation in previous years. From 2000 to 2010, Fish
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Consumption
had a marked increase and reaching about 850 in 2010. The meat had a slight increase in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
. In 1985, it consumed about 100
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grams
. In 2010,
Did you mean "it's reaching", "it is reaching", or "it was reaching"?
it reaching
200
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grams
. The Salt the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
type of food which had a decreasing trend over the years among all other categories. It Dropped
slightly
from almost 490
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grams
in 1985 to 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
in 2010.
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IELTS academic Food consumption in China, 1985-2010 ( grams/person/week).

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
143 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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