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following is the graph that shows the rental and sales between 2002 and 2011. summarize this information in not less than 150 words.

following is the graph that shows the rental and sales between 2002 and 2011. summarize this information in not less than 150 words. GrpYo
This bar graph illustrates the yearly amount of rentals and sales of films from an individual shop from 2002 to 2011. Initially, during 2002, rentals were highest at 185, 000 count followed by 85, 000 VHS sales and finally 49, 000 DVD sales. While, Blu-ray sales remained out of picture at that time. In the proceeding year, rentals had a slight decrease to 180, 000 again, followed by 65, 000 VHS sales but an increase in DVD sales upto 105, 000. This trend continued in the further years, where in 2006, rentals fell to 140, 000 and DVD sales having a drastic rise to 200, 000 eliminating out VHS sales. Year 2007 witnessed the highest sales of DVD's accounting to 205, 000 and introduction of blu - ray with a mere 5, 000 sales, rentals continuing to decline to 129, 000. Since then, sales of rentals and DVD's gradually dropped down. Blu-ray sales were growing but not ata much significant pace. Till 2011, rentals were below 60, 000, DVD's came down to 180, 000 and 2011 managed to grow only upto 15, 000. It is observed that, over the decade, rentals had a drastic drop while DVD sales signifucantly improved. Till the middle of the era VHS sales vanished from the scene introducing blu-ray sales in upcoming years.
This bar graph illustrates the yearly amount of
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rentals
and
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sales
of films from an individual shop from 2002 to 2011.

Initially
, during 2002,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rentals
were highest at 185, 000 count followed by 85, 000 VHS
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sales
and
finally
49, 000 DVD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, Blu-ray
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
remained out of picture at that time. In the proceeding year,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rentals
had a slight decrease to 180, 000 again, followed by 65, 000 VHS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
an increase in DVD
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sales
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
105, 000. This trend continued in the
further
years, where in 2006,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rentals
fell to 140, 000 and DVD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
having a drastic rise to 200, 000 eliminating out VHS sales.

Year 2007 witnessed the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of DVD's accounting to 205, 000 and introduction of
Possible spelling mistake found.
blu
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
ray with a mere 5, 000
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sales
,
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rentals
continuing to decline to 129, 000. Since then,
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sales
of
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rentals
and DVD's
gradually
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "dropped".
dropped down
. Blu-ray
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sales
were growing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
Possible spelling mistake found.
ata
much significant pace. Till 2011,
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rentals
were below 60, 000, DVD's came down to 180, 000 and 2011 managed to grow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
15, 000.

It
is observed
that, over the decade,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rentals
had a drastic drop while DVD
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sales
Possible spelling mistake found.
signifucantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. Till the middle of the era VHS
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sales
vanished from the scene introducing
Did you mean "Blu-ray"?
blu-ray
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in upcoming years.

IELTS academic following is the graph that shows the rental and sales between 2002 and 2011. summarize this information in not less than 150 words.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
218 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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