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Figures show lhot sorne counlries hove dn ever-increosing proportion of lhe populolion who ore oged l5 or younger. Whol do you think ore lhe current ond lulure effecls of this lrend for lhose counlries?

Figures show lhot sorne counlries hove dn ever-increosing proportion of lhe populolion who ore oged l5 or younger. Whol do you think ore lhe current ond lulure effecls of this lrend for lhose counlries? jR2BX
The given diagram illustrate about changes appeared between period of 2008 and 2010 in building of a helth center. Overall, it clearly seen that the area used by hospital was increased by build new departments and facilities in between 2 years. Fristly, in 2008 main entrance door open to waiting room then we can go to laboratory on right hand side and corridor ahead only. The new building build on left side of waiting room where two new department was developed education room and child room side by side. Futhermore, laboratory was only connected with waiting room but in 2010 another way to go there through the corridor. Seconldy, there was three doctor’s offices on right side of corridor and on the lift side one staff room while faceing treatment room in corridor in 2008. However, one doctor’s room and store room extedend on the right side. Furthermore they also build pharmacy on the left side beside of laboratory.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagram illustrate about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
appeared between period of 2008 and 2010 in building of a
Possible spelling mistake found.
helth
center.

Overall
, it
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by hospital
was increased
by build new departments and facilities in between 2 years.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Fristly
, in 2008 main entrance door open to waiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
then we can go to laboratory on
Did you mean the adjective "right-hand"?
right hand
side and corridor ahead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. The new building build on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
side of waiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
where two new department
was developed
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
and child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
side by side.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, laboratory was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
connected with waiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2010 another way to go there through the corridor.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Seconldy
, there was three doctor’s offices on right side of corridor and on the lift side one staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
while
Possible spelling mistake found.
faceing
treatment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
in corridor in 2008.
However
, one doctor’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
and store
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
Possible spelling mistake found.
extedend
on the right side.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
they
also
build pharmacy on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
side beside of laboratory.

IELTS academic Figures show lhot sorne counlries hove dn ever-increosing proportion of lhe populolion who ore oged l5 or younger. Whol do you think ore lhe current ond lulure effecls of this lrend for lhose counlries?

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
159 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Figures show lhot sorne counlries hove dn ever-increosing proportion of lhe populolion who ore oged l5 or younger. Whol do you think ore lhe current ond lulure effecls of this lrend for lhose counlries?