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The pie charts indicate the internet shopping purchases for retail sectors in NEW ZEALAND between 2003 and 2013

The pie charts indicate the internet shopping purchases for retail sectors in NEW ZEALAND between 2003 and 2013 GMOgx
According to the pie chart, travel made up to 36% accounted for in 2003 and film changed to 21% in New ZEALAND in 2003 and in 2013 made up to 33%. Books also failed to 19% in NEW ZEALAND acoounted for in 2003 and 2013 went up just over a fifth and the last, clothes climbed to 24% in NEW ZEALAND in 2003 and in 2013 Go into free-fall to 16%. All in all, At the onset it is clear, the largest percentage of the total of online sales for retail sector in NEW ZEALAND where is travel between 2003 and 2013
According to the pie chart, travel made up to 36% accounted for in 2003 and film
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to 21% in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
New ZEALAND
in 2003 and in 2013 made up to 33%. Books
also
failed to 19% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEW
ZEALAND
Possible spelling mistake found.
acoounted
for in 2003 and 2013 went up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over a fifth and the last, clothes climbed to 24% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEW
ZEALAND in 2003 and in 2013 Go into free-fall to 16%. All in all, At the onset it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, the largest percentage of the total of online sales for retail sector in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEW
ZEALAND where is travel between 2003 and 2013
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IELTS academic The pie charts indicate the internet shopping purchases for retail sectors in NEW ZEALAND between 2003 and 2013

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
101 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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