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Favourite leisure activities of teneegers in Canada

Favourite leisure activities of teneegers in Canada EL73b
The bar chart gives information about 4 types of free time activities (sports, computer games, music and shopping) among boys and girls in Canada. The data is described in percentage. Overall, these favourite leisure activities are more popular among boys than girls in Canada. Both most of boys and girls are interested in music. Shopping and sports are lovely activities of boys while these activities are the least popular among girls. In terms of sports and shopping, these are the most favourite activities of the highest proportion of boys (just over 25% and just under 35% respectively) while the lowest proportion of girls are keen on these two recraitional activities (sports and shopping) with around 10% and 5 %. On the other hand, boys and girls are equally interested in music with approximately 20% for both teenagers. Above 15% of boys play computer games whereas just under 15% of girls are busy with this activity in free time.
The bar chart gives information about 4 types of free time
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activities
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(sports
, computer games, music and
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shopping)
among
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boys
and
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girls
in Canada. The data is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in percentage.

Overall
, these
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favourite
leisure
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activities
are more popular among
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boys
than
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girls
in Canada. Both most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
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girls
are interested
in music.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
and
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sports
are lovely
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activities
of
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boys
while these
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activities
are the least popular among girls.

In terms of
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sports
and
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shopping
, these are the most
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favourite
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activities
of the highest proportion of
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boys
(
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 25% and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 35%
respectively
) while the lowest proportion of
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girls
are keen on these two
Possible spelling mistake found.
recraitional
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activities
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(sports
and
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shopping)
with around 10% and 5 %.

On the other hand
,
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boys
and
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girls
are
equally
interested in music with approximately 20% for both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. Above 15% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
play computer games whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 15% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
are busy with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
in free time.
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IELTS academic Favourite leisure activities of teneegers in Canada

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
158 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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