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describe a process of edible oils and fats

describe a process of edible oils and fats 9a650
The diagram shows the technique of producing edible oils, fats, and margarine. There are eleven stages in the proceeding from raw element through to the production until it is ready to be sold in the supermarket and shops which will be outlined below. Firstly, the raw element such as sunflower seeds, peanuts, and coconut are collected and transported to a silo. At the Silo, the raw supply are crushed and milled in order to extract the grease. The crumbs that are already crushed will be pressed by other machines, and then it will be filtered consequently they only get the thing that they want to use. After getting filtered the component will be steamed consequently it will be more hygienic and can be consumed by a number of people. After being steamed it will be separated to three various coat which is coconut grease, sunflower oil, and refined coat. After that it will be packed with various packaging into edible oils and fats. After being packed it will be delivered to numerous supermarkets and shops that will sell the grease and fats. Overall, the development of producing edible oils, fats and margarine involves a plethora of course before it will be sold to supermarkets and shops.
The diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the technique of producing edible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oils
, fats, and margarine. There are eleven stages in the proceeding from raw element through to the production until it is ready to
be sold
in the supermarket and shops which will
be outlined
below.

Firstly
, the raw element such as sunflower seeds, peanuts, and coconut
are collected
and transported to a silo. At the Silo, the raw supply
are crushed
and milled in order to extract the grease. The crumbs that are already crushed will
be pressed
by other machines, and then it will
be filtered
consequently
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the thing that they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

After getting filtered the component will
be steamed
consequently
it will be more hygienic and can
be consumed
by a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. After
being steamed
it will
be separated
to three various
Possible agreement error. The noun 'coat' seems to be countable, so consider using: "coats".
coat
which is coconut grease, sunflower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
, and refined coat.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
After
that it will
be packed
with various packaging into edible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oils
and fats.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
After
being packed
it will
be delivered
to numerous supermarkets and shops that will sell the grease and fats.

Overall
, the development of producing edible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oils
, fats and margarine involves a plethora
of course
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it will
be sold
to supermarkets and shops.
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IELTS academic describe a process of edible oils and fats

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
206 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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