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Expenditure of UK and France on consumers goods

Expenditure of UK and France on consumers goods 9LdBW
The chart illustrates the amount of money spent on five consumer goods (cars, computers, books, perfume and cameras) in France and the UK in 2010. Units are measured in pounds sterling. Overall, the UK spent more money on consumer goods than France in the period given. Both the British and the French spent most of their money on cars whereas the least amount of was money spent on perfume in the UK compared to cameras in France. Furthermore, the most significant difference in expenditure between the two countries on cameras. In terms of cars, people in UK spent about £450, 000 on this as opposed to the French at £400, 000. Similarly, the British expenditure was higher on books than the French (around £400, 000 and £300, 000 respectively). In the UK, expenditure on cameras (just over £350, 000) was over double that that of France, which was only £150, 000. On the other hand, the amount of money paid out on the remaining goods was higher in France. Above £350, 000 was spent by the French on computers which was slightly more than the British who spent exactly £350, 000. Neither of the countries spent much on perfume which accounted for £200, 000 of expenditure in France but under £150, 000 in the UK.
The chart illustrates the amount of
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money
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spent
on five consumer
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goods
(cars, computers, books, perfume and cameras) in France and the UK in 2010. Units
are measured
in pounds sterling.

Overall
, the UK
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spent
more
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money
on consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
than France in the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
. Both the British and the French
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spent
most of their
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money
on cars whereas the least amount of was
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money
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spent
on perfume in the UK compared to cameras in France.
Furthermore
, the most significant difference in
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expenditure
between the two countries on cameras.

In terms of cars,
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people
in UK
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spent
about £450, 000 on this as opposed to the French at £400, 000.
Similarly
, the British
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expenditure
was higher on books than the French (around £400, 000 and £300, 000
respectively
). In the UK,
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expenditure
on cameras (
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over £350, 000) was over double
Possible typo: you repeated a word
that that
of France, which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
£150, 000.

On the other hand
, the amount of
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money
paid out on the remaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
was higher in France. Above £350, 000 was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
by the French on computers which was
slightly
more than the British who
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spent
exactly £350, 000. Neither of the countries
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spent
much on perfume which accounted for £200, 000 of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
in France
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
under £150, 000 in the UK.
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IELTS academic Expenditure of UK and France on consumers goods

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
215 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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