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employment rates in six countries in both genders

employment rates in six countries in both genders o8EA9
The bar chart illustrates the employment rates in six countries in both genders in the course of 20 years starting from 1995. Overall, it is clearly evident that the employment rates of male in six countries were by far higher than those of women through the period. Additionally, all the figures of all countries experienced an upward trend. In 1995, the employment rates of males in Iceland the highest out of six countries at about 83, which was followed by Switzerland at nearly 66. Meanwhile, the figures of men in the USA and New Zealand were relatively equal at approximately 60, similarly, Australia and the UK showed the same figures of males at roughly 57. From 1995 to 2005, there was an average increase of 12% in all the men’s figures, except that of the UK growing by nearly 15%. Regarding women, Switzerland and the UK had the first and second highest figures at roughly 58 and 51, respectively, while that of New Zealand was the lowest at about 36. However, all the figures experienced the similar trend as men which rose by about 12%.
The bar chart illustrates the employment rates in six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in both genders in the course of 20 years starting from 1995.

Overall
, it is
clearly
evident that the employment rates of male in six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
were by far higher than those of women through the period.
Additionally
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
experienced an upward trend.

In 1995, the employment rates of males in Iceland the highest out of

six
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countries
at about 83, which
was followed
by Switzerland at
nearly
66. Meanwhile, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in the USA and New Zealand were
relatively
equal at approximately 60,
similarly
, Australia and the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
of males at roughly 57. From 1995 to 2005, there was an average increase of 12% in all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
, except that of the UK growing by
nearly
15%.

Regarding women, Switzerland and the UK had the
first
and second highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
at roughly 58 and 51,
respectively
, while that of New Zealand was the lowest at about 36.
However
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
experienced the similar trend as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
which rose by about 12%.

IELTS academic employment rates in six countries in both genders

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
185 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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