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Employment in freedonia by sex in 6 sectors in 1975 and 1995.

Employment in freedonia by sex in 6 sectors in 1975 and 1995. g5QJO
The two bar graphs depict information about how many number of male and female employees were working in freedonia in six different sectors in the year 1975 and 1995. Overall, it is illustrated by the graphs that, the public sector(non defence) was observed the most of the employment, on the contrary, public sector (defence) was showed the least number of employees in both the years. There was extremely minor differences in women and men candidates in communication and finance sectors in 1975 and 1995 respectively. To begin with, manufacturing and banking fields were observed the highest difference in male and female workers, approximately just above 300 higher male candidates were working in these fields as compared to females in 1975. The highest number of candidates worked in public sector (non defence) in which about 650 women and 850 men, leaving behind wholesale and retail trade which provided employment to around 570 women and 700 men. In this year, communication field observed almost 250 number of candidates and difference in male and female were almost negligible. The majority of male employees employed in public sector (defence) around 220 in 1975. On the other hand, banking field was observed almost negligible difference in women and men, while manufacturing showed same trend in 1995. In this year, almost same number of employment provided by public sector (non defence), however in wholesale and retail trade was employed 700 males and 800 females which is opposite to 1975. Reversed scenario observed in communication sector with large gap in women and men ( around 570 and 300 respectively). Employment in public sector (defence) slightly decreased, but number of female trainees were as same as male in this year.
The two bar graphs depict information about how
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many
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number
of male and
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female
employees were working in
Possible spelling mistake found.
freedonia
in six
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different
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sectors
in the
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year
1975 and 1995.

Overall
, it
is illustrated
by the graphs that, the
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public
sector(non
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
) was
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observed
the most of the
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employment
,
on the contrary
,
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public
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sector
(
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
) was
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showed
the least
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number
of employees in both the years. There was
extremely
minor
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differences
in
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women
and
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men
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candidates
in communication and finance
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sectors
in 1975 and 1995
respectively
.

To
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begin
with, manufacturing and banking
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fields
were
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observed
the highest
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difference
in male and
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female
workers, approximately
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just
above 300 higher male
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candidates
were working in these
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fields
as compared to
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females
in 1975. The highest
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number
of
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candidates
worked in
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public
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sector
(non
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
) in which about 650
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women
and 850
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men
, leaving behind wholesale and retail trade which provided
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employment
to around 570
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women
and 700
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men
. In this
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year
, communication
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field
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observed
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almost
250
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number
of
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candidates
and
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difference
in male and
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female
were
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almost
negligible. The majority of male employees employed in
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public
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sector
(
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
) around 220 in 1975.

On the other hand
, banking
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field
was
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observed
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almost
negligible
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difference
in
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women
and
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men
, while manufacturing
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showed
same trend in 1995. In this
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year
,
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almost
same
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number
of
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employment
provided by
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public
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sector
(non
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
),
however
in wholesale and retail trade
was employed
700
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males
and 800
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females
which is opposite to 1975. Reversed scenario
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observed
in communication
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sector
with large gap in
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women
and
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men
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
around 570 and 300
respectively
).
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Employment
in
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public
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sector
(
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
)
slightly
decreased,
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but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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female
trainees were as same as male in this
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year
.
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IELTS academic Employment in freedonia by sex in 6 sectors in 1975 and 1995.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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