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Employment for Men and Women

Employment for Men and Women kLxyR
The bar graph illustrates the number of male and female who aged 60-65 employed in Belgium, USA, Japan and Indonesia during a period from 1970 to 2000. Overall a clear link can be drawn retirement age meaning that in the countries where people work for longer. In some countries women unemployed higher more men. Regarding the full-time employed, obviously men had sightly the percentage of employed more than women for the four countries in 1970. In Belgium this figure difference equal on around 19%. And also number of male and female for employed figure for USA shows approximately 6%. Moreover the biggest difference in Japan illustrated around 24%. As graph shows, the largest disparity being the difference between male and female in Belgium and USA in 2000. Proportions of males and females employed decreased across all nations, especially in Belgium. This figure’s gap difference decreased in Japan And the percentage of employed were exactly same for male and female in 2000. In Indonesia, employed males fell to 72% as their counterparts slipped by 12% to 50%.
The bar graph illustrates the number of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
who aged 60-65
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
in Belgium, USA, Japan and Indonesia during a period from 1970 to 2000.

Overall
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
link can
be drawn
retirement age meaning that in the countries where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work for longer. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries women unemployed higher more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

Regarding the full-time
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employed
,
obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
had
sightly
the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
more than women for the four countries in 1970. In Belgium this figure
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difference
equal on around 19%. And
also
number of male and
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female
for
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employed
figure for USA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
approximately 6%.
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Moreover
the biggest
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difference
in Japan illustrated around 24%.

As graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, the largest disparity being the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
between male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
in Belgium and USA in 2000. Proportions of
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males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
decreased across all nations,
especially
in Belgium. This figure’s gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
decreased in Japan And the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
were exactly same for male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
in 2000. In Indonesia,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
fell to 72% as their counterparts slipped by 12% to 50%.
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IELTS academic Employment for Men and Women

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
176 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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