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Robotization in job sectors

Robotization in job sectors nx1WK
It is true that, the robots are increasing rapidly in our modern world. In future, the robot will control all the job sectors. I have a partial view point on this statement. First of all, in our future world all the job sectors will controlled by remotes Or by a computer application. Through the use of robots we can increase our productivity. The causes of this statement are they are very perfect in their job and the safety is also a matter. They are usually works very perfect in all job sector and we can compromise them in the case of risk. That is because all the vehicle industries are being robotized day by day. For example, "Be at kiwizoo" a restaurant which owned by a mallu actor called Maniyan pilla Raju, which serves all the food items by robots in Kerala. Hence, through robotized we can simply assure the safety, consistency, risk and the happiness of our employees. On the other hand, it have some negative impacts. To be more clear, the first thing is that, lot of youngsters will lose their job through robotization. So, it will lead to a bigger cause to unemployment. In India, the unemployment rate is 7. 75 percentage. Through robotization in future, it will gradually increase from 7. 75 to 10 or 11 percentage. The second problem is that the government want to spend their 1/2th percentage of their economy to the maintenance cost of the robots. So, slowly it will be a financial burden to our government. Thus, in future the robotization will be a head ache to our nation. To conclude in future the robots will have a major role in our daily lives. But it have some positive as well as negative sides.
It is true that, the robots are increasing
rapidly
in our modern world. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, the robot will control all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
sectors. I have a partial view point on this statement.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
world all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
sectors will controlled by remotes Or by a computer application.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Through
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of robots we can increase our productivity. The causes of this statement are they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
perfect in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and the safety is
also
a matter. They are
usually
works
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
perfect in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sector and
we can compromise them in the case of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all the vehicle industries are
being robotized
day by day.
For example
,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Be at
Possible spelling mistake found.
kiwizoo
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
a restaurant which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by a
Possible spelling mistake found.
mallu
actor called
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maniyan
Possible spelling mistake found.
pilla
Possible spelling mistake found.
Raju
, which serves all the food items by robots in Kerala.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
robotized we can
simply
assure the safety, consistency,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and the happiness of our employees.
On the other hand
, it
Did you mean "has"?
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts. To be more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, the
first
thing is that, lot of youngsters will lose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
Possible spelling mistake found.
robotization
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it will lead to a bigger cause to unemployment. In India, the unemployment rate is 7. 75 percentage.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Through
Possible spelling mistake found.
robotization
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, it will
gradually
increase from 7. 75 to 10 or 11 percentage. The second problem is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
want to spend their 1/
Please check the suffix, if this is an ordinal number.
2th
percentage of their economy to the maintenance cost of the robots.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
slowly
it will be a financial burden to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Thus
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
robotization
will be a head ache to our nation.
To conclude
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
the robots will have a major role in our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it
Did you mean "has"?
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides.
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IELTS academic Robotization in job sectors

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
293 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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