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Electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010

Electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010 NyyLy
The pie chart illustrates the changes in generation of electricity by five main sources namely coal, petroleum, natural gas, nuclear and hydro in New Zealand and Germany. Overall, It is clear that there is a significant difference in the energy resources. By 2010 these two countries were relied upon two different sources of electricity. New Zealand mostly relied on coal and Germany on Nuclear. To begin with, coal is the major contributor on energy generation in 1980 to New Zealand with dominating 56 units out of 127 followed by natural gas and hydro each sharing 30 units and Petroleum with the least contribution of 11 units. Coal continued to dominate the energy source and captured around 75% of total electricity by 2010. Hydro had a slight increase and contributed for around 24% and natural gas and petroleum reported to provide 2 units each and nearly had no effect on the generation. On the other hand, in Germany natural gas and coal shared the maximum units with 28 each in 1980, which is followed by Nuclear and petroleum with 20 and 22 units respectively and the remainder of 7 units were produced by hydro. Natural gas being the major contributor at the beginning almost produced nothing joining with hydro which produced only 2 units in 2010 and nuclear rose to capture a significant contribution with nearly 75% followed by coal and petroleum which jointly contributed for around 24% of the energy generation. But by 2010, nuclear power which does not even share a percent in New Zealand's electricity emerged to be the most significant source of electricity for Germany.
The pie chart illustrates the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in generation of
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electricity
by five main
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sources
namely
coal,
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petroleum
,
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natural
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gas
, nuclear and hydro in
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New
Zealand and Germany.

Overall
, It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there is a significant difference in the
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energy
resources. By 2010 these two countries
were relied
upon two
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different
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sources
of
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electricity
.
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New
Zealand
mostly
relied on coal and Germany on Nuclear.

To
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begin
with, coal is the major contributor on
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energy
generation in 1980 to
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New
Zealand with dominating 56
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units
out of 127 followed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
and hydro each sharing 30
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units
and
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Petroleum
with the least contribution of 11
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units
. Coal continued to dominate the
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energy
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source
and captured around 75% of total
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electricity
by 2010. Hydro had a slight increase and contributed for around 24% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petroleum
The verb 'reported' is used with the gerund form: "reported providing".
reported to provide
2
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units
each and
nearly
had no effect on the generation.

On the other hand
, in Germany
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natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
and coal shared the maximum
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units
with 28 each in 1980, which
is followed
by Nuclear and
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petroleum
with 20 and 22
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units
respectively
and the remainder of 7
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units
were produced
by hydro.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
being the major contributor at the beginning almost produced nothing joining with hydro which produced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
in 2010 and nuclear rose to capture a significant contribution with
nearly
75% followed by coal and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petroleum
which
jointly
contributed for around 24% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
generation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
by 2010, nuclear power which does not even share a percent in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
emerged to be the most significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
for Germany.
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IELTS academic Electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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