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Doctors are more important or inventors?

Doctors are more important or inventors? m3w6K
In society all of the people choose one job to earn money. These jobs could be helpful for all people and they could cause society to progress through it goals. Some times community has different attitudes about different jobs for instance about doctors and inventors. At first, doctor are important because their job is very vital and they can be cause of that people die or live more. Education prepare them to their duty, i mean recognizing disease and treating pepole. They study their lesson and do their practical courses. On the other hand, there are inventors in society who have been inventing new things like machines, gadgets and … which are facilitate our life. These inventions could be helpful for doctors ‘ s surgery too. Inventors are most important persons who have creativity to do new things and find somethings which can be applicable for all jobs and they can help people to do their works in easiest way which they could not done before. Inventors are vital persons also doctor and other jobs can be inventors too and i think they should be. Doctors, drivers and other people who have job should be invent things which are new and can facilitate their work on do that in better and more efficient way. In conclusion, inventors are very necessary because they help to experience better life in easiest way and most of the people can learn to be creative in their jobs to progress in it. At the end all of the jobs which are in a way of helping society progressing are important but should do their effort doing their duty in more creative way.
In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
Consider using "all the".
all of the
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people
choose one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to earn money. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
could be helpful for all
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they could cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to progress through it goals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
times community has
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different
attitudes about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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jobs
for instance
about
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doctors
and
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inventors
. At
first
,
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doctor
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
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job
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
vital and
they can
Did you mean "because"?
be cause
of that
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more. Education prepare them to their duty,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
mean recognizing disease and treating
Possible spelling mistake found.
pepole
. They study their lesson and do their practical courses.
On the other hand
, there are
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inventors
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
who have been inventing new things like machines, gadgets and … which are
Consider using a past participle here: "facilitated".
facilitate
our life. These inventions could be helpful for
Did you mean "doctor‘s" or "doctors‘"?
doctors ‘ s
surgery too.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Inventors
are
Did you mean "the most"?
most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
persons who have creativity to do new things and find somethings which can be applicable for all
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
jobs and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
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people
to do their works in
A determiner is probably missing here: "the easiest".
easiest
way which they could not done
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before
.
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Inventors
are vital persons
also
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doctor
and other
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jobs
can be
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inventors
too and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they should be.
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Doctors
, drivers and other
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people
who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
should be
Consider using the past participle "invented"?
invent
things which are new and can facilitate their work on do that in better and more efficient way.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inventors
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to experience better life in
A determiner is probably missing here: "the easiest".
easiest
way and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn to be creative in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to progress in it. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which are in a way of helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
progressing are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
should do their effort doing their duty in more creative way.

IELTS academic Doctors are more important or inventors?

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
277 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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