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Distribution of employment by sector

Distribution of employment by sector Ba92a
The given bar chart indicates the proportion of the workforce in different sectors of employment in three counties at different stage of economic development. The general overview here is that the majority of the workforce in agricultural sector is India, whereas Japan has the most people working in both sector industrial and service. As can be seen from the chart, Japan and Brazil have the high percentage of workforce in service sector(60% and 50% respectively). But While Japan has lowest of people employed in the agricultural sector, an equal number of Brazilians work in the agricultural sector and industry sector (25% in each). In contrast, as the graph show, the largest number of Indian workforce amounting to 61%, is employed in agricultural sector, However India has the lower of employees work in industry and the remaining 27% are in the service sector.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart indicates the proportion of the
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workforce
in
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different
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sectors
of employment in three counties at
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different
stage of economic development. The general overview here is that the majority of the
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workforce
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
is India, whereas Japan has the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working in both
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sector
industrial and service. As can be
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seen
from the chart, Japan and Brazil have the high percentage of
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workforce
in service
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sector(60%
and 50%
respectively
).
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But
While Japan has lowest of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
employed in the
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agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
, an equal number of Brazilians work in the
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agricultural
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sector
and industry
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sector
(25% in each).
In contrast
, as the graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
, the largest number of Indian
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workforce
amounting to 61%,
is employed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
,
However
India has the
Use "lowest" if you mean to express an extreme with this adjective.
lower
of employees work in industry and the remaining 27% are in the service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
.

IELTS academic Distribution of employment by sector

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
142 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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