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Disha shows that Japanese population by the age starting in 1960 and include of forecast to 2040

Disha shows that Japanese population by the age starting in 1960 and include of forecast to 2040 XydEq
The line graph compares the Japanese population by the age groups in 1960 and increased by the 2040. overall it is clear from the graph that the maximum adults and the minimum is children of the age groups in additional senior citizen increase in a given period. Looking at the graph more detail in 1960 the age of 65 place has 5% population in Japan where as 30% population in Japan was occupied by the children of age 0 to 14 similarly 25 to 24 age group has highest percentage of two third population In age senior citizens roses less then defy in 2000 by contrast children’s ages fluctuated and reach to 20% by 2065 age in Japanese increased bit higher of 5% where compared to pastMy contract from 2000 to 2040 given year the age of citizens of more than third where has the age of Japanese population of age 25 to 64 and 0 to 14 significantly decreased to 58 and 10% respectively
The line graph compares the Japanese
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population
by the
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age
groups in 1960 and increased by the 2040.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graph that the maximum adults and the minimum is children of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups in additional senior citizen increase in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.

Looking at the graph more detail in 1960 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65 place has 5%
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population
in Japan
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
30%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in Japan
was occupied
by the children of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
0 to 14
similarly
25 to 24
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group has
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
percentage of two third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
senior citizens roses less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
defy in 2000 by contrast children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
fluctuated and reach to 20% by 2065
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
in Japanese increased bit higher of 5% where compared to
Possible spelling mistake found.
pastMy
contract from 2000 to 2040
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
year the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of citizens of more than third where has the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
25 to 64 and 0 to 14
significantly
Possible agreement error. The noun 'decreased' seems to be countable, so consider using: "decreases".
decreased
to 58 and 10%
respectively
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IELTS academic Disha shows that Japanese population by the age starting in 1960 and include of forecast to 2040

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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