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Different subjects opted by different students

Different subjects opted by different students BgDmw
The bar charts given depict the ratio of students who studied a foreign language. It has been clearly seen that the percentile of girls was more than boys To begin, it was strange to see that almost a half girls and one third of boys opted for a foreign language in the year 1984, whereas this proportion fell among both the gender and only 40% girls and 22 % boys studied the same. French language was seen as most popular in 1984 and was studied by 50% in 1984, but it's popularity declines drastically and reached at half the value it was in 1984. German was less famous then French in both years, surprisingly it also fell from 20% to 15% by 2007 Spanish language was the least opted, but the only one whose popularity increased after year 1984. Overall, the ratio of French declined from years 1984 to 2007 but French remained the top ranker out of other two language, where as Spanish saw an uprising in its value by 2007 but remained the least opted language.
The bar charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
depict the ratio of students who studied a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. It has been
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the percentile of girls was more than
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
boys


To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, it was strange to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that almost a half girls and one third of boys opted for a foreign
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language
in the
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year
1984, whereas this proportion fell among both the gender and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
40% girls and 22 % boys studied the same.

French
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language
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as most popular in 1984 and
was studied
by 50% in 1984,
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but
it's popularity declines
drastically
and reached at half the value it was in 1984. German was less
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famous
Did you mean "than"?
then
French in both years,
surprisingly
it
also
fell from 20% to 15% by 2007 Spanish
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language
was the least opted,
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but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one whose popularity increased after
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year
1984.

Overall
, the ratio of French declined from years 1984 to 2007
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but
French remained the top ranker out of other two
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language
,
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
Spanish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an uprising in its value by 2007
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
remained the least opted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
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IELTS academic Different subjects opted by different students

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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